Monday, April 3, 2017

Owl Children

I am convinced that my children are some sort of nocturnal animals, they cannot go to sleep at night. Now granted I am a Night Owl myself, but once you have children there are two things you want, SLEEP and to sleep right when you want to. Why my children won't go to BED!!!

1.We co-sleep, I know you are probably thinking, what a bunch of weirdos. Well now wait a minute you judgy people. So technically we just let our children fall asleep in our big King Size bed instead of snuggling in their tiny twin size bed and then we just escort them to their beds. So now that you get it....here come the shenanigans.

2.So my oldest child is best at deciding that she hasn't done anything her whole life until right before bed. I didn't eat, I didn't pack my backpack, I didn't name my pet rock I got outside three weeks ago, ok already......go to bed!!

3.My youngest has "forget the name" syndrome..."Daddy sleep"...."oh you want to sleep next to daddy"...."NO MOMMY sleep"....."oh you want to sleep next to mommy"...... "NO DADDY"!!! We play this game off and on for about twenty minutes until we tell her she can go to sleep in her crib, it is by far the worst game ever invented by a toddler.

4.My children have to do things in specific ways, read specific books, hear specific music, wear specific pajamas, wow...they sound just like me... moving on.

5.My oldest child talks and talks and talks about NOTHING. Words come out of her mouth at 100 miles per hour and they are streams of unconscious thought. Mommy do you know that hippo that I once had that was at the zoo and ate Sissy's flute that you didn't get her and then Grammie got sick in the car seat and the seatbelt wore the coat, do you remember that? Yes dear, plain as FREAKING day, go to BED!!

6.I always end the night with "happy thoughts" in an effort to get my children to think about the good things that happened to them during their day. Also we don't do the whole prayer thing,(refer to the pants cult post). So the happy thoughts range from my happy thought is that I love you Mommy which is just the sweetest and then you are just so happy you had children, and then you get the scornful my happy thought is that I don't have any happy thoughts because you didn't buy me that toy I wanted today. Happy thoughts are SHUT DOWN for the night!!

7.My children are NEVER thirsty during the day, they don't ask for a single drink all day and when  we offer they say, "NO thank you, mom." This is because they are waiting for night time when they are suddenly DEHYDRATED and need to drink gallons of water. I need a drink, I need a drink.....Mommy, Daddy, water I am so thirsty. How is it that you are a camel all day and then at night time you need so much water?

8.As most siblings do the girls will fight, especially if one is tired and the other is not. Usually my youngest has had enough of the "talking" and will say NAP and start crying because her sister is being SO annoying at that moment. We immediately have the "if you girls don't stop by 5 you will both go straight to your room." SILENCE!!!

9.It is now 2 hours since initial bedtime ritual has started, and finally the children have fallen asleep. We allow them about 15 minutes of sleep time before we move them to their rooms. Then we begin the creep of death...slowly moving backwards out of the room in order to not wake the sleeping child.

10. My husband and I collapse into the bed exhausted from our day, "You know what this means," he says with a spark in his voice. "Yes they don't want any siblings. GOODNIGHT!!"

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