Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Extrovertly Introverted

Most people see me as an extrovert, the one that is the loud, boisterous, first one to break the ice, funny girl, when actually I am a closet Introvert. There is nothing I want more than to hide in the confines of my home and never come out. It is actually a really hard chore to get myself to go out into the outside. So when people describe me as an extrovert I am always so proud of my "fake out"! I have learned a lot about my extrovertly introverted ways and what exactly makes me who I am!

1.There is nothing I despise more than the idea of going somewhere that I have never been before. So the idea of house shopping was not something that I found pleasant and was in fact downright terrified. I had to really psych myself up before I was about to walk into someone else's space and decide if it could become my space. I don't know what I was afraid of walking into, I mean I had seen pictures I clearly was not walking into an A&E Hoarder's house, but I felt violated for the people. I have to open your closet, sorry! I have to walk into your bathroom, sorry! Oh, you sleep here, oh good god you probably did, OH SORRY, SORRY, SO SORRY!!!

2. I went to the OB today which is a yearly test of my introvert. First I have to psych myself up because the idea of having to do all of that sort of checking is not something I am going to enjoy and the fact that someone has to witness it, well I am sorry! I heard that OB's get paid really well, honestly they must because I just couldn't do that. I mean all day every day just looking down there. I mean your nose must just close off or you must learn how to mouth breathe or something.

3.So speaking of the OB you think by now they would invent something beyond tissue paper that your naked butt has to sit on while you anxiously wait for the doctor. Anxiety and me=sweating to the paper and "stickage". I literally have ripped the paper and had to peel it away from me to get the exam, talk about embarrassing. The OB always try to smooth it over, "that happens all the time." Oh really it happens all the time, well why don't we go and fix that then and not have tissue paper as an option? Just saying!

4. People always think that I am an extrovert because I talk and I talk A LOT!!! I never SHUT UP!!! Perhaps that is why I like to blog because it is basically silent talking in my head. Kind of the best job for an introvert, stay inside, talk to yourself, and reach out to people you don't know. Win Win!! Anyhoo, back to the talking, so people think I am very outgoing because I always break the ice, but this is merely because I can't stand the awkward silence. I have gone to places where I have broken the ice with the most random things just to kill the silence. "Wow that April the giraffe must have a sore vagina now, do you think they give her some ice." "WHAT??? Did you just say, in the public??" Yes, I have often regretted the words that have spilled out my mouth, but it is because other people need to learn how to talk, so it isn't all my fault.

5.I absolutely cannot lie, not even a little white lie. So if my children ask if there is candy left. I say, "not for right now." Yes it is a horrible weakness and maybe a generous gift. I think my parents put a voodoo hex on me as a child where I could not tell a lie, or perhaps I watched Pinocchio too much and feared my nose may grow or I would turn into a donkey. Needless, to say I have to tell the truth, plus if I even try to lie I give it away, my cheeks burn fire red and I start sweating. A polygraph guy could just look at me and say, "yup she can't lie."

6.I am secretly jealous of friends that get together and do things on the regular. Mostly because I don't do that and it makes me feel as though my friends are more like acquaintances. It also makes me feel like my outgoing self really is a mask that I wear because when I am away from my friends I don't really make the effort. I am impressed with people who say they are my friend, I do a double take, you are my WHAT??? Oh, well thanks, I appreciate that!!!

7.I could probably be a professional sleeper, as a full time job. Just pay me to be Rip Van Winkle, and my family could live off my sleepings and I would be such a hero. I heard one time that NASA was looking for people to stay in bed for three months for a study and I thought that is a job I would be willing to apply for, but then I thought about needing to go to the bathroom, that would not be very fun at all.

8. I will quietly surround myself with books and make a little book fort and celebrate in the quietness of it. A recent study discovered that the majority of women choose reading a book as their way to relax. I agree with this notion as the act of peace and quiet is rarely something that we can just get. The things I was told to do as a young child are now the things I long to do as an adult, take a nap, eat a snack, sit quietly, go to your room.....when will my children start reprimanding me?

9. The difficulty with being an introvert that poses as an extrovert is that you are anxious about everything and everyone just thinks that you are not. So I love to perform in community theater, but the whole process of performing just scares me to death. One time an actor told me, "just before you go on stage push your palms against a wall and take a deep breath that will calm your nerves." Well imagine my surprise when I did just this on a stage wall that then started to crash down in front of me. As I caught it and wrestled it back into position, I thought that didn't make me feel less anxious at all, LIES!!!

10. Some people say I am blunt, others say I am good at poking fun at myself, others say I am extroverted, and some say I am just me, but no matter what, I am something that is for sure. It is hard work when you "perform" all day and on the inside you really want to be a snail and crawl into your shell and be all cozy and quiet. Some of me feels all good about the fact that people think that I have my enthusiastic, outgoing personality and then sometimes I feel sad that when I am not like that people realize that the real me has come out, and real me is kind of BORING!!! Oh well, cheers to BORING!

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